Hi beauties! The title of this post may have thrown you off today but I promise this post is so good! If you follow along on my stories, you got a sneak preview last week!
About two years ago Brandon and I were going through all the foster to adopt training classes, crazy busy with work and trying to deal with some other family/personal life situations that a few months in, we realized we needed to get our goals and priorities on the same page. Even as husband and wife, you have to take a moment in your busy lives to reconnect because let’s face it, life will grab a hold of you sometimes and you get so caught up in everyday tasks and trying to be there for everyone that you almost lose sight of things you are not doing.
So I can’t take credit for this brilliant idea. Actually Brandon came up with it all on his own. One evening I came home from work and he was like I need you to fill this out. I was like “uh oh” LOL.
Okay so filling out the rate card is a 3 step process:
There are 13 “categories”: God, Family, Work, Church, Travel, Relaxing, Marriage, Dogs, Community, Health/Workout, Friends, Date/Activities and Kids.
1- On a piece of paper number them in order of how you currently would rate yourself
2- Rate your spouse/significant other on how you currently see them prioritizing these certain categories
3- Rate these 13 categories in how you think they should be prioritized. Let’s take “community” for example. Volunteering was such an important thing to me but when life got busy I quit putting aside time from doing anything for our community. When I rated myself this fell down to the bottom 3 of my rate card however when I rated how I thought it should be it ended you in one of my top categories. I hope that makes sense.
4 Things We Learned From This:
1- Man, when life got busy our priorities were all out of wack!
2- How we viewed ourselves is sometimes different from how our significant other may view us. For example, I thought I was putting so much effort into quality time with my husband but to be totally honest he rated me at 8 out of 13 which meant he felt that I was prioritizing us closer to the bottom of the list. Yikes!!
3- On the surface some of these categories seem like they are one in the same but they actually should be prioritize separately. For example, you may look at this list and think shouldn’t marriage, kids and family all be put into one category? Well, essentially yes, but you still have to make time and put effort into them as there own categories. Making time for your kids is different than quality time with your spouse which is also different than making time for your brothers, sisters, mom, dad, etc. They are all important. How do we prioritize all of them? That brings me to my next learning moment.
4- Once reality hit (LOL) we were able to put a list together of these 13 categories and how we would both prioritize them together as a unit. From here, we were on the exact same page, with the same priorities. Also, after putting that list together we brainstormed on how to actually execute them. Like, we both wanted to be more active and workout even with our busy schedules so we decided that we would both have the same workout schedule. Not that we would work out together but that if one was going to get up early in the morning to work out the other person would too. If one was going to the gym at lunch the next day, the other would plan to as well. It helped hold us accountable even if we weren’t doing it together. Also, we both wanted to do bible study but our schedules would not permit actually attending a bible study group session so we agreed we would do it at home together. Agreeing to make more time for our family meant, we would make a better effort to schedule a dinner or something of that sort with Brandon’s side of the family more often and also agreed that we would go to California more often to see my family. Just little planning things like that help because now we were on the same page and could help keep each others priorities in line now that they are the exact same.
Obviously, you can add in different categories or delete ones that you do not think are important for your own rate card but I went ahead and attached a PDF version in case you wanted to print it out and complete it with your spouse.
Click here for a copy of the Spouse Rate Card
If you do, I would love to hear your results! firstname.lastname@example.org